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Friday, March 6, 2015

I didn't want to cry over you again. But here I am, crying over you again. "I wish this would be over now, but I know I still need you here" Oh Sam Smith, why are your songs so relatable? I teared up. Then "these nights never seem to go to plan, but I don't want you to leave will you hold my hand" I cried. 

I might just be overthinking. But how the fuck do you just go out with a girl and probably do what we did before? How do you feel when you're with her? Do you think of me when you're with her? Do you feel happy when you're with her? Do you have feelings for her? So many things I really want to know. Even though I know it'll hurt like crap if the truth is told. But telling the truth is still better than lying. I'd rather be sad all the way than thinking everything's good then finding out that you've been lied to and deal with the truth. It's like double the pain. 

Why does it feel like you've been lying to me? I trust you. I really do. But the way things turn out in the end seems to contradict everything. I don't even know if you really liked me from the start or you were just playing with my feelings. I really hope it's not that way. I really hope that everything have been real. Gosh. 

I'm really lost. I'm seeing him tmrw. I really hope things will turn out fine. I really hope I won't start crying at vivo. I really hope I don't see things I don't want to see.

I still remember the time she surprised you with Starbucks the other time when you're working. Do you know how painful it was? I literally swallowed my anger and just let it go since I knew I had you anyway. I was very jealous and angry and sad all at the same time. But I didn't do anything. I don't think I've ever done that in my entire life. 

I guess I'm just not good enough for you. Like always. Not good for anything or anyone. I still don't know if I want to let go. Fuck my life man. I really don't know how to face you tmrw. :/ The most fucked up part? I'm working the same shift with him on Sunday. Fucked up x1,000,000. I've got to control myself and put up a strong front. Haish..

Gonna sleep soon since I'm down with fever. Hopefully I don't dream of him and I don't cry myself to sleep. Let's hope for the best. 

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