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Monday, October 12, 2015

you're so full of crap. but that's why I like you. 

how is it that you make me so happy? 
but how is it possible that you can make me so sad too? 

nights like these I really wanna cut or just overdose and end up in the hospital. But is it worth it? Over a guy? again? 

why do I bother? erm, because I care? Because I like you? 

It just feels like you're trying to distance yourself away from me. Maybe you really are, but I'm too dumb to get it. 

But whatever it is. I'll give you what you want. Space and time. 

Maybe I should stop caring. Maybe I should stop liking you. Maybe...

I don't like being so clingy and annoying. But it's just me okay. It's just so dumb cause you're not even my boyfriend but I'm already so afraid to lose you. I already feel like I'm losing you. 

I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry for everything. 

I didn't mean to make it like this. 

I was just so afraid. I still am. 

I don't even know if I can do this any longer cause this hurts so badly. I don't show it but it really does. 

I wish things would have came out differently. 

I wish that I didn't have any feelings for you. 

But you... you're so... attractive. 

You're everything that any and every girl would want. 

Too good to be true eh? 

I don't even wanna cry anymore cause I know it's not worth it. It's not like it's going to make me feel any better. It's not like it will change anything. 

It's not like you care. 

What am I supposed to feel then? Stop having feelings for you? Or just keep waiting. I really want to. I really do. But if I wait, it'd hurt like fuck. And it's not even guranteed that you'll ask me out or anything. But I'd still wait. Because I rather try and fail rather than fail without even trying. If you ask me if it's worth the pain, I'd say yes. No pain no gain eh. 

I've been locking myself up in the room so much and my mum doesn't even notice. I've been feeling like shit everyday. And my fever and headache has been contributing as well. Especially the headache. Thank God for 2 day MC. 

I just wanna feel better right now. Looking forward to the day where I wake up and everything falls into place nicely and smoothly. 

goddamit. stop crying for god's sake. haish.

what's the fucking point? 

fuck this. 

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