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Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Grown Up

I've heard many people complain about their parents. And I do find it rude that some people scold their parents to a certain level that is pretty rude. I sworn to never do that to my mum, because I know how hard is it to be a single parent supporting two child. But I take all of that back. I really wish I don't have to rant about my own mum. But it's bugging me like crazy.

I know she's very stress and pretty much hurt by my dad. But that really don't give any reason why she should blame her child for everything you know? You're really very self centered you know. I have no guts to tell you because I know you will just burst out in anger and blame yourself for everything making everything sound very sacarstic because you cannot accept facts. You are my mother, I know how you're like. I know more things than your husband and son. I know how you feel, what you want to achieve and all. Do you really know how I feel? Of course not. why would I want to tell you right? For one very very simple reason, I don't want to add on to your amount of stress. I really feel like a very huge burden for you. Financially, you are still supporting me. Mentally, you are always worrying about me, I really don't like that. It's like you don't trust me and you will never will. You too afraid to accept the fact that we're all growing up. You're afraid of being alone. I understand. Because I'm feeling that way too. But honestly, have you ever stopped and think about how I will feel too? It's always been about you. You want the limelight? Fine, I'll give it to you, I won't share it with you.

My friends are more important? Of course, at least that's where I feel the closeness. You want to talk about family? Sure, how many people are there? 2? 3? It's like this family is non existant. Sometimes, I just don't want friends. I just want to shut out every single person. It's better that way. That way, no one's opinion will matter. Go to school and my friend can joke about me "Never sleep tired, sleep too much also tired" . Teachers can ask my why am I skipping school so often. It's not that I want to skip school. I am literally just too tired to do so. I also have no motivation. So too bad.

Trust? That don't exist either.

I simply told you I was tired. Like really sleepy but I know I can't sleep till like 2.30am . And you say I'm lying to you and hiding something from you. Like seriously? That's why I would rather not tell you anything. Then you start yelling crap which I really couldn't be bothered to listen. Then you take away my iPod and phone? Childish much?

So what if you are gonna read my blog? Do you think it would still matter? No. Why? Cause you're too stubborn to accept the fact that your ego is very high and you're always "right". No one lives to please others you know. Accept, Change or Die. If you can't accept the fact that I'm growing up? Change. Refuse to change? Too bad for you then. I'm stuck like that for the next 1-2 years?

I'd still prefer to die anyway. At least I'll be with God. And don't say nobody loves you okay? God loves you, you chose to reject his love. I made mistakes in the past saying that no one loves me. But God's love is eternal and abundant. He'll be more than happy to shower you with love.

Well, new achievement unlocked. No profanities.

Aal iz well. Aal iz well.

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