I just want to be happy

I've never cried so much in a long time. I'm literally in pain right now due to allergies. There's even more pain in the heart. There's so much things I want to say to you, but I just can't bring myself to it to you.

What's the point of all the going out? I do enjoy myself but majority of the time you'll just be on your phone or with your camera. I know that's what you really like. Ironically, you said you hate people who goes out with someone but uses their phone. 

I don't even know if I should be pissed or sad. There's no point feeling anything cause once I see you, all these feelings are gone, because I really love you and I find every single reason to forgive you and just forget about it. I don't want to tell you cause I'm afraid I might lose you. I don't want that to happen :( 

All these notifications coming in. All from people asking me what's wrong and all. None from you. You read my messages but you didn't bother to reply. Not even an acknowlegdement. It's like you don't even care. Do you know how much that fucking hurts? Do you know how painful is it to go through this shit alone? 

Exams, exams, exams. I fucking know. But I fucking swear that's not a good reason. If you can be on snapchat and instagram, I don't see a reason why you can't reply me. If I actually meant something to you, you would at least reply. No excuses. 

I don't think I'm that important afterall. And like always, I'm never important to anyone. N E V E R. So forget it. 

I'm secretly hoping I'd die in my sleep tonight. But the other part of me is afraid cause there are still a lot of things I want to do in life. I don't really know actually.

I'm tired. 

Goodbye. Hopefully, this is not the last goodbye