I told you I would wait. I asked what if you didn’t want have the feelings for me anymore. You told me “If you want to wait, you wait. If you want to leave, just leave” I waited. I trusted you not to break my heart. I kept the pain to myself. I’d cry at 3am cause I was fucking missing you but I really didn’t want to bother you. Whenever I start doubting, I would scold myself for being dumb and tell myself that good things come if I waited.
Today, I asked if you still have feelings for me. You hesitated to reply, changing topics. I knew the answer already. But I still wanted to hear the answer from you. “No.” You said. I wanted to fucking cry. I held everything back cause we were in public and I didn't want to be the fucking attention seeking bitch. Plus I kinda asked for it. So yeah, my fault.
Things haven't been going in the right direction, and it's fucking getting worse. People don't understand me, they never fucking will. Cause we all go through different shit. Guess I'm just unlucky this year. Fucking want to commit suicide. But I can't and I won't. This sucks big time.
Wen Xuan hates you for playing with me. Well, at least that's what he said. I didn't think you played me. I just wasn't good enough, that's why I lost you. I made lots of mistake. I was probably too annoying and clingy. And stupid of course. Ugly has always been in the entire package. So yeah. Would totally understand why no one wants me. They are lucky they left me earlier. I guess I'll be alone for the rest of my life.
But guess what’s the most fucked up part?
I still fucking love you.
I still fucking think about you every single fucking day.
I 'm still fucking waiting for you to love me back.
Because I trust you. You broke my trust already, but people make mistakes. They deserve second chances.