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Sunday, September 6, 2015

I'm happy with how things are right now. I'm appreciative of everything and truly grateful for being blessed. 

I'm happy I found someone new and better. He's not mine to call. But at least he has taught me things that are actually meaningful and important in my life. I don't expect so much. Just being friends with him and being able to talk to him about anything and everything makes me feel grateful and blessed already. Sure I'll be happier if things goes on to a different level. But not so soon. I don't want to get my heart broken for nothing. I want to be sure. Thank you for being there for me and always so supportive of my decisions and also advicing me to become a better person. 

I'm not on good terms with my mum right now. But I'm really thankful that I can still talk to my brother. We weren't talking for 5 months. We started talking and ended up quarreling again. I want us to be as close as last time. But I'm blessed to have someone like him who will advise me when I'm wrong and makes stupid and irritating jokes when I'm bored. 

I'm thankful for Firzanah, Asylah and Darryl. Even though we disagree with each other some times but I'm really thankful that we're still all in this together (pun intended). If I ever offended you, I'm truly sorry and I am changing for the better right now. It's gonna take some time, but I hope you guys will be patient with me. 

I'm determined to work hard to change. Change is constant, no matter how much we hate it. We have to keep up with this fast paced world or else we won't be able to survive. 

I'm grateful for Mama Eve, who has never gave up on me once whenever I fail to attend school. I'm truly blessed to have come into this course and met a wonderful and passionate person like you. 

All these people I mentioned, I truly look up to them and they inspire me to be better than I already am. One thing they all have in common, they believe in me. I'm ashamed to say that I myself don't believe in myself because I'm drowned in negative and blinded by darkness that disallows myself to see the good side of me. I'm thankful that I have people in my life who are willing to go the extra mile to remind me daily of the person I truly am and constantly motivates me to be happy and make my life worth it and beautiful. 

And to the people in my school, who has been asking for my number, thank you for making me feel better by myself. I have never once loved myself or feel comfortable in my own skin. You taught me to love and appreciate myself more. I don't want to be arrogant or thickskin but I'm really thankful for how I look and everything. Despite having financial difficulties, I'm still able to have at least one meal a day. It might not be a lot to some people, but I'm really thankful for that. 

I admit, I've changed. Some for the better and some for the worse. I grew with age, I was stucked in my past. I couldn't let go of the hurt that people has put me through. I was filled with hatred, sadness, negativity and anger. 

I realized that the things I was saying to people, I wasn't doing it either. I know what's right but I refuse to do it because I didn't want people to be happy cause I wanted them to suffer the pain that I went through. I'm sorry for being childish. 

I'm learning to change. Small steps, baby steps. Please don't say anything harsh. I'm someone who is filled with negativity from top to bottom. Any small crack can easily make me fall back into my little deep hole of darkness. I'm climbing my way up. I'm willing to stay determined and climb out to the light. 

I really hope to start my day with a smile and gratefulness that I'm able to live to see another day, to have a roof over my head and have people that cares for me. And at least I know what's wrong. 

I can do this, I know it, I'll do it. I'm not here to prove anyone wrong, I'm here to be a better person. I want to love myself, I want to treat others better and I want to be happy. 

And with that, I'll end by saying that I had a wonderful day today with a wonderful bunch of people and a productive day of studying. I have to be up early in the morning for work. 

So, goodnight. Sleep well everyone. And remember that someone out there in this world cares and loves you. You're beautiful and you're blessed. 

#EmbraceYourFlaws #stayposi 

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