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Thursday, January 14, 2016

13th day.

I tried sleeping, but obviously it's not working. I have so much on my mind and I can't even emphasize how tired I actually am. It's about to be 4am, I have no cigarettes, no phone, no rest. I'm working full shift later on, wish me luck man.

It's been 13 days since everything happened. Just thankful that I still have my friends coming by to entertain me. Otherwise I really don't know what would have happened to me. I just wish that Zul could stayover cause it's the night where my mind becomes fucking active for idk what reason. I'm really tired and I need to rest. My mind wouldn't let me. I just keep thinking bout every single thing and also about work. I'm honestly so unmotivated to work right now. I just want to be at home everyday and do nothing. But I really need the money.

Been stressing bout finding a new job too. I'm so afraid of new environments. I kinda wanna work at F21 but I don't know what to wear everyday if I'm going to work there. Fucking stupid right? I know. The other side of me wants to find other retail jobs but I don't know what either. I'm practically fine with anything as long as it's not in those atas shops or all PR workers.

Things between me and Zul has been going fine. I mean we're not together, we're just dating at the moment. I might be in love with this idiot. :) Even though we kinda broke up, but I guess everyone deserves second chances right? I mean he's different now, the good kind of different. So why not?

Anyways, I'm still really affected by how everything is now. It's so fucking hard to do anything without my phone. I'm pretty much empty inside right now. Keeping all my promises by doing the things I said I would do. I mean, it's my job anyway. I just hope a miracle will happen so I don't have to feel this way. This is painful man.

There's so many things I wanna do but I just can't do right now. I really wanna change my style, the way my room looks now and of course, the way I look. I'm waiting for myself to get better so I can start exercising. Currently saving up for Bali so I can't spend on clothes or furniture. 71 more days to Bali and I haven't saved a single cent. Legit.

I have to search for a job in March cause it's pretty obvious that I'm gonna be fired soon. Or what I think is going to happen. Just hope I find a job before I leave for Bali. Why can't someone just accidentally transfer me like $10k or let me find a bag of money worth $10k.

On the bright side, at least I'm collecting my IC this weekend. And, 173 days till I turn 18. Am I looking forward to that? Nope.

Stress, stress, stress. I shall try to sleep right now. Left with like 3 hrs of sleep. Hah, wish me luck.

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