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Saturday, April 16, 2016

It's official. I can barely  feel anything anymore. I have no more tears to shed for you either. I only know there's this emptiness in my heart. Somehow, I'm so filled with hatred for people. I don't see a need to be nice to people anymore.

What's the point of being nice? Yes, it is a nice feeling to be nice to people. I did gain joy and happiness by being nice. I feel happiness whenever I help someone. But I get betrayed and hurt more than I feel happy. Is it worth it? Yes, it was. Not anymore. I have to be more selfish. I've to put myself first. The heart can only take so much.

I never liked being mean or selfish. I'm nice because I want to see other people being happy. I already know how shitty this world can be. I see things people don't cause I overthink so much and I see the truth is every situation. Let me tell you something, if somehow technology creates something that can see other people's thoughts and perspectives and you look into my mind, I can assure you, you would want to kill yourself as well.

Everyone is so selfish that they are so willing to hurt others without reconsidering their life decisions. They forget that everyone has their own hardships to go through as well. But when someone does it to them, they start being this shithead that questions why people are so selfish and enjoys hurting other people's feelings.

However, it seems like being selfish is the only way you can protect yourself from being hurt. As much as I don't want to become that stupid shithead, I might have to.

I have lost almost everything. My one true love, the people who I can call my closest friends and bros. I only have a small handful of friends whom I can really trust and talk to. And let me tell you, I can count with just one hand how many there are. Yes, I am thankful for this bunch cause I know they are my true friends; Firzanah, Kitty, Darryl and kambing. These are the ones who are true friends.

It's really hard to trust anyone else nowadays. Everyone is so full of greed; not just monetary wise. They only want the best for themselves. Otherwise known as self centered. Not everyone has good intentions. Some people just want information so they can bring you down. I'm not surprised that people are like that, I'm more surprised by the people who actually are like that.

Everyone wishes that the world would be a better place or constantly complain that good people don't exist anymore. All they do is complain. They don't do anything about it. They want other people to start being nice first. Or they expect something in return when they do something nice.

Let me tell you something guys, if you wanna do something nice, don't expect anything in return. People are just so used to taking advantage of others and tossing them aside once they are done. Expect nothing, appreciate everything. Only this way, you'll be happy cause you get surprised by any good things that happens. The right people will give you something nice in return. Trust me.

I really don't know how the fuck am I supposed to be selfish. I like sticking to my morals of having courage and being kind. But I'm so tired of getting hurt. I'm so tired of getting played. The heart can only bear so much pain.

Sometimes, I really wish I can't feel pain. It's better than wishing that the world is a better place to live in. At least, I can be nice and not feel pain. And I'll be happier. It's way more realistic.

All these talk, but the main point is still, the world is fucked up in every way possible, you either be mean or get hurt. Not being negative, just a reality check to everyone.

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