hopeless.

I'm the type of girl who would travel for almost an hour just to spend a good one hour with you before cabbing home even though I'm broke.

I'm willing to go to any lengths just to make sure you're okay.
I'm always thinking about you.
I'd always give in to you, even if I don't want to.
I'd reply you on the spot even if you take ages to reply.
I'd help you, even when you didn't ask for it.
I'll splurge on you, even when I know I wouldn't have enough for myself.

I'm that type of girl who would pretty much do anything for you.

And maybe that's why I get hurt so often.

I wish I was much meaner and selfish. Maybe I wouldn't be so miserable right now.

I just want people to appreciate me rather than seeing it as an opportunity to take full advantage. Don't anyone want to be treated nicely?

I just want someone to stick by me, regardless of what a shitty person I am. I am afraid of being alone. I need someone, which I can assure you is the shittiest feeling ever just cause you'll never be happy with yourself. I am never happy with myself.

Does anyone really think that I'm truly where I am right now?? Of course I wish I was still in school right now, supported by my parents. But no, reality check, I won't be interested in anything I'm studying right now and my parents can barely support the family. Do you think I like it when I have bad news to offer my mum? Do you think I'm that heartless? I wish I could be man.

I just want to be happy, be it temporary or not. As long as I'm happy in the moment, that's enough. I don't need anyone to tell me whether what I'm doing is right or not, I know it myself but I choose to be that way. Why? I don't know. I just want to okay.

I'm just really frustrated with everything and honestly, I don't know how long more can I go on before falling back to depression and having suicidal thoughts all over again.

With everyone just condemning me, I really don't know how much longer can I go on.

Fuck. It's all coming back. The thoughts, the urge. Everything. I just hope I can survive the night so it'll be better in the morning. Hopefully.