Everything is so different right now. I still question myself "What the fuck am I doing with my life?" I stopped working, I don't go to school anymore and I've been partying non stop. I even came to a point where I was considering getting a sugar daddy. Yes, no joke. I lost almost everything. But I guess I learned a lot. I have so much in my mind, but none of that seem to matter anymore.
Tonsillectomy in a few days and I'm starting to get a bit nervous. A bit scared of being in the hospital even if it's just for a night. Especially during this time of the year. After my surgery, have to start working again and once again, I'm scared of new environment. I still don't know where to work either. Don't even know if I should get full time or part time. I think I shall start with part time. Should be sleeping right now cause I have a check up early in the morning. Really wish Xav could accom0pany me. Too bad he has to book in.
Honestly, I wasn't expecting myself to fall in love again. Especially after the last breakup. Left me in such an emotional wreck. Lost myself in the process of everything he was saying to me. Trying to change to compromise with him. It wasn't his entirely his fault anyway. And actually right now, everything with Xav isn't exactly smooth sailing either. But I guess that will do. At least I know the honeymoon period is over... or maybe it hasn't even started I don't know.
Went Genting with him last week and honestly, everything was so nice. I don't want to describe it as perfect because that's just unrealistic. Never expected myself to go overseas with a guy just like that. Everything was just so... nice. The weather, the atmosphere, the food and most importantly, the company. At least I can be myself around him even though it's such a short period of time. I don't know if we will last or not, but let's just see where this leads. Really want to take things slow this time.
Gonna leave some pictures here cause I think I look good.